CICADA FEAR: Baltimore vs. Brood X!

Baby Doll Bids Farewell To Buggin' Pal

2004-06-21T20:20:00.000-04:00

Atomic Books' famed Baby Doll does her best Queen Mum wave by way of letting one of Baltimore's few remaining geriatric cicadas know that it's time to get the heck off of her pudgy mitt and like, roll over.

How sad.

It Ain't Over 'Til It's Ovipositioned...

2004-06-20T22:44:00.000-04:00

"Brood X Falls Into Silence"

"For Cicadas, The Party's Nearly Over."

Blah, blah, blah. And a hearty humph.

Sadly, it's not even geeky-hip any longer to be cicada-savvy. "Yo, pops, those bugs are so yesterday," says the sneering bagboy at the supermarket. And even Mrs. Cicada Fear is venturing outside once again with tentative impuny.

Sure, up in the high frontier of Baltimore's treetops, the action has switched from the Playboy Channel to Discovery Health. But the facts remain, dear reader--the Great Emergence of 2004 is still a quieter, happening thing.

While the now-silent boy bugs are dropping like, well, flies, the female cicadas are hard at work, putting on a veritable Eggstock in the surrounding branches and bushes. You'll just have to take CICADA FEAR's word for it. We are down with the bugs.

Slicing open small tender branches with their Swiss Army ovipositors, she-cadas everywhere have been laying eggs in these grooves--up to 600 eggs per insect. And then the magic of Nature begins (cue cheesy music and slideshow)...

(c) Gay Williams

Within the shelter of the split stems, new life begins to stir. Ding.

(c) Gay Williams

Inside the cicada eggs, a new generation prepares to make the first of their two critical appearances. (cue kettle drums of Also Sprach Zarathustra.) Ding.

(c) Gay Williams

The tiny cicada peeps appear, no bigger than a grain of rice and with nowhere to go but down. Ding.

(c) Gay Williams

The next Brood X larvae takes their place in entomological history in the oddest way possible, by doing a nosedive off their branch down to the ground below, landing beneath the tree on the soil where their parents clambered out only a few weeks earlier. There, the little guys dig down, down, down below the frostline to put a liplock on a nourishing root, and begin their 17-year dirt nap.

Poetic, ain't it?

It's a Brood X Party, Y'All!

2004-06-17T22:05:00.000-04:00

Our dream date was waiting for us.

OK, so CICADA FEAR's been out and around these days, checking out the mounting piles of whupped Magicicada...

"Say goodnight, Gracie."

...plus trees flagged to a fair-thee-well.

Just take a little off the side.

But it's not all bad karma. Last Tuesday, we received an exclusive invitation to attend a special cicada soiree by our own Deep Cicada, Maryland's head entomologist, Gaye Williams.

So imagine our surprise when we pulled up at the Department of Agriculture's Annapolis offices to find the entrance under guard by a enormous pair of cicowdas--what happens when highly stimulated bugs get loose in the barn.

Talk about good bovines gone bad.

Unnerved but undaunted, CICADA FEAR soldiered on to the appointed place and hour, where we were greeted by the greatest gaggle of bug-lovers we've hung with so far. Of course, there were some questionable strangers in the crowd...

Can you spot the party crasher?

...But overall, everyone (considering what was going on in the branches over our heads) was on their best behavior.

CICADA FEAR listened to tributes, poems, and even some impromptu cicada calling. (Fortunately, no one answered.) But the punaise de resistance had to be the the Ms. Conviviality contest, which ended in a three-way tie...

"I wish they all could be Ci-Cicada Girls!"

It was all shy little CICADA FEAR could have hoped for--and more. We chugged one more glass of bug juice and scarfed down a questionably crunchy brownie before bidding our ento-hostess with the mostest goodbye...

Ms. Gaye Williams, Maryland's chief entomologist (note friendly 'cada on hat).

Thanks, Gaye--and bug voyage!

We Heart Cincinnati!

2004-06-15T18:02:00.000-04:00

Hey, no hard feelings, Cincy readers. We feel your pain. If grumpy old CICADA FEAR has a bone to pick with our local newspaper (hmmm, with its incredible shrinking staff, it may be gone before the cicadas--oops!), well, we shouldn't take it out on our sister cicada burg. After all, weren't they featured on last weeks's CBS Sunday Morning with Bill Giest? Wasn't Cincy cicada 'splainer Dr. Gene Kritsky interviewed? Heck, they're even performing a cicada musical out there!

And just to prove that their hearts are as big as the great Midwest, ace Cincy photographer Carin Rhoden sent CICADA FEAR the lovely postcard above. And we think we have it tough. Ours are only as big as trucks...

FLASH! Sun Covers Cincinnati Cicada Site, Ignores Us

2004-06-11T19:16:00.000-04:00

So what else is new? After all, it's much more interesting to write about some Buckeye bozos hawking cicada stiffs in boxes for $5.95 than to offer massive props to the pearly prose of homey CICADA FEAR.

Talk about "Slight for all!"

Poor bitter old CICADA FEAR. Sniff. Sigh.

"Celebrate The Nymph Within!" Uh-Huh.

2004-06-11T18:50:00.000-04:00

Featuring the Largest Cicada In Captivity!

Hu-ray, hu-ray--this just in from Dick "Is That An Antler In Your Forehead" Horne, formidable proprietor of Baltimore's own curious cabinet of wacko wonders, the American Dime Museum:

Celebrate the Cicadas!
with the
American Dime Museum
June 11
7:30-9:30 pm

Make cicada eye googlers!
Join our cicada band!
Sing cicada songs!
Draw cicada pictures!
Enjoy cicada cacophony!
Come dressed as a cicada and win prizes!

Celebrate the nymph within!
Enjoy the wonder of nature!

Enjoy exchanging bug stories with your friends while touring one of
America's most unusual museums! Admission to this once-every-seventeen year event is absolutely free for all!

American Dime Museum
1808 Maryland Avenue
Baltimore MD 21201
410 230 0263

CICADA FEAR is so there.

Ol' Blue Eyes Is Back?

2004-06-11T10:19:00.000-04:00

Among the many strange side effects of billions of libidinous bugs descending (well, actually ascending) on our fair burg is the velocitizing of the ol' rumor mill. As recently reported in the local press, the gossip flashed from stoop to stoop, confirmed by an unimpeachable source (a next-door neighbor's uncle's son-in-law who knows someone who heard it on the bus from the scientist in charge), that the august Johns Hopkins University was peeling a cool grand off of their roll for anyone who could capture and deliver the rare, elusive blue-eyed cicada.

You know, sorta like this one:

(c) Gaye Williams

For what purpose the University wanted such mutant cicadas had only been hinted at darkly--something about Lord Cthulhu and an eldritch book called the Necronomicon--but by deploying its secret network of black-ops P.R. consultants, Hopkins quickly masterminded a cover-up based on plausible deniability upon the pliable public.

"Our initiative was never predicated by the belief one way or the other in the prior presence of BECs," demurred one spokesperson.

Not to mention the silver-eyed variety:

(c) Gaye Williams

Okay, okay, so ol' CICADA FEAR is just joshing you a smidge. But in fact, according to our sources, some Baltimoreans now actually believe that spreading sand around their homes and plants will ward off cicadas. This new tidbit of cracked folklore is apparently due to a recent set of promotional ads for Ocean City, MD, claiming that cicadas "don't like our sandy soil." Sheesh.

But to all you fortune-hunters out there, don't let CICADA FEAR's pishing and boshing deter you. With the numbers of Magicicada buzzing about, other exotic specimens are sure to turn up.

"Cicada. Cicada very much."

While you're at it, keep your hawkeye peeled for Hoffa, Earhart, and Judge Crater varities.

Reincarnation--it's soooo unfair.

Mo' Music! Mo' Music!

2004-06-09T10:32:00.000-04:00

"Hi, I'm with the band."

Oh moi of little brain! No sooner does CICADA FEAR pontificate publicly of the paucity of cicada songs, when the muthaload (well, eleven) pop up here on CF Central's desktop--from our friends at NPR's "All Songs Considered."

Included in the mix is Brood X, mentioned here earlier, and our current favorite by the mysterious Duane, whose song "Cicadas Invadin' My Yard" bears a passing resemblance to another tune. We got happy feets now!

All together now, "Oooooooooooh, ci-ca-das..."

A Time-Life Series Is In Production As We Speak...

2004-06-07T09:34:00.000-04:00

Remember those golden cicada ballads of the 80s? Well, maybe not, but if you're hot to foxtrot to a new generation of cicada songs (other than the incessant screeching outside), here's CICADA FEAR's Top Two (well, actually the only two we could find):

This electronica number from George Fox actually uses cicada chorusing as part of its rhythm track. It has a nice bug-beat and you can dance to it.

Our second pick has the improbable title of "The Cicada CD - The 17 Year Itch: Mating Songs of Cincinnati USA." Available through YPCincy.com, the Young Professionals network of the Greater Cincinnati Chamber of Commerce, this five-song comp features cicada tunes by a Bluegrass/Country band, a Blues/Jazz/New Age - Funk/R&B - Reggae/World band, a DJ/Electronic - Hip Hop/Rap band,and a Alternative/Indie - Hard Rock/Metal - Pop/Rock - Punk/Ska band. Hmmm--guess that about covers it.

Rock on, little cicada dudes! (As if they're not already...)

Don't Buzz With My Mouth Full.

2004-06-04T16:05:00.000-04:00

Mmmm...toasty.

Kira from Baltimore writes:

"I have an odd cicada question for you. I saw a squirrel chomping down on a cicada yesterday on a walk. Is this some kind of mutant squirrel behavior or do squirrels eat cicadas?"

CICADA FEAR quickly checked in with Maryland's own head entomologist and best CICADA FEAR pal Gaye Williams, who cheerfully opined,

"Anything with a mouth like cicadas. They're the M&M's of the insect world."

Crunchy shell. Creamy filling. Ick. But to them:

"Mmmm... sugary goodness."

Williams went on to note that aside from the family pooch and cat, other animals who put on the cicada feedbag include squirrels, chipmunks, raccoons, possums, skunks, and foxes. During her fieldwork, Williams noted that some of the above wild critters even resorted to nymph exhumation, so great was their cicada jones.

Too much information, I know, Kira, but better that as many as possible are eaten while they're fresh. That's unless you don't mind the entire city smelling like an enormous ripe hunk of limburger cheese during the warmest days of summer...

Life is good, huh?

We're Outta Town For A Couple Of Days...

2004-06-01T23:01:00.000-04:00

...and all meshugass hits the fan!

Speaking of which, we noted that the cicada to windshield impact ratio was notably higher upon our return to Charm City. Ick.

Of course, it could always be worse. And is. This from Lester Wayne Daniels, police officer and part-time cicada ehthusiast whose Great Lakes Cicada Page is a wonder:

"Occasionally, these same adults would excrete waste called "honey dew" from the pores of their abdomens that resembled small rain drops falling to the ground. When large groups of cicadas feed together in a tree canopy, they can create an "artificial rain" shower."

In other words, stand under the wrong tree

and it could be worse.

Ick.

All Cicadas, All The TIme...

2004-05-28T11:25:00.000-04:00

Okay, CICADA FEAR may be gullible, but we're getting the distinct feeling that some of our readers out there are trying to pull our jointed leg.

Lately, the CICADA FEAR mailbag has been postively brimming with, well, shall we say, questionable photos? But in the interest of full public disclosure, we have decided to make them public and let you, our dear readers, decide.

Hoo-boy.

All righty then, the first slide, please.

(c) Dan Shub

Hmmm. Well, the black bar is obviously a fake. Anyone else seen any chihuahua-sized 'cadas around town? (Down, boy!) We'll call this one REAL.

Next slide, please!

OK, well, maybe not this big. Unless you live in a certain Sun columnist's neighborhood. We'll call this one REAL.

Ahem.
Next slide, please.

(c) Dan Shub

So... we're seeing an obvious theme emerging here. What to shoot when it's not jackalope season. But in the interests of sportsmen everywhere, we'll call this one REAL.

The last slide, please.

Yikes! Duck, it's Al-Cicada!!!

Obviously, this doctored photo is a FAKE.

Though Great Aunt Vidalia maintains (stridently) that at least the bug is real...

(CICADA FEAR offices will be closed to observe & honor the Memorial Day holiday. Back to bugness Tuesday!)

Play That Funky Tymbal, Magicicada!

2004-05-27T23:54:00.000-04:00

The cicada noise complaints keep flooding into the bug-besieged offices of CICADA FEAR. Only we can't hear them. Because of the dang cicada noise.

Remember that college roommate who had the special friend staying over in your dorm room all weekend? Yeah, that loud. And for much the same reason.

But just what is all the noise about? If you gotta ask...

Meanwhile, a note from Pat in Lauraville:

"Just a little note about the Cicadas. They are extremely loud at our
house. So we borrowed a Decibel Meter today. Don't know whether these
numbers will mean anything to you, but here they are. Sitting on my
front steps... the decibel level was 80.1. About 10
feet away in my driveway between three trees housing the little buggers
it was 83.5 decibels. From our records from 1987, when they were here
last, we noted that they were loud on May 23 (by the by they came out at
our house on May 17 in 87 and May 17 in 04, both on Sunday nights, so
they are on about the same schedule as 87) and they continued to get
louder until they peaked on June 10 and 11. So, we are in for worse
before it gets better. I still had new cicadas coming out of the ground
and this morning and this seemed like the biggest batch so far. By the
way, we will be on vacation from May 15 until June 30 in 2021. I will
have my e-mail forwarded to my location. It will be somewhere that does
not get the 17 year Brood X Cicadas..."

So it's loud and getting louder--somewhere along the levels of pressing your ear against an active jackhammer. Ouch.

However, according to our state's chief entomologist, it's worse in Bowie, where she took a cicada buzz reading yesterday of 92 decibels.

Mrs. Cicada Fear definitely is not a happy camper--but more on her recent cicada mugging later. The Big Question is, how much longer can Baltimore's rattled residents hold out before mass ligyrophobia...

Wait a minute. Breathlessness. Excessive sweating. Dry mouth, feeling sick, shaking, heart palpitations.

An inability to speak or think clearly.

A fear of dying, becoming mad or losing control.

Uh-oh.

A Cicada Walks Into A Bar...

2004-05-25T22:09:00.000-04:00

Tonight's earlier Tasselmyer has left CICADA FEAR's fevered brain a little clearer--and ready to puzzle out another of Life's Big Questions.

Why haven't we heard any cicada jokes? At least local ones? Ones with light bulbs. Or blondes. Or is CICADA FEAR simply out of the loop?

Sigh.

So, dear readers, send us your huddled, yearning to breathe free cicada humor. We'll be happy to post the best--and the worst. Like the one from last week's Letterman:

"Have you heard about these cicadas? I know you have." (big laugh) "They're dormant in the ground for 17 years, then they come out and want to have sex. Those that don't want to reproduce move to Massachusetts."

Har-de-har. Or not.

They'll Sleep When They're Dead.

2004-05-25T21:20:00.000-04:00

Sigh. we were wrong. Again.

CICADA FEAR is learning by trial and error that amateur entomology is a dodgy business. And don't believe everything you read--or don't.

For example, that cicadas stop their screeching and take a brief siesta come nightfall. Wrong, wrong, wrong. That ugly truth was not lost on Dan from Cockeysville, who recently queried,

I hear the cicadas all night. Do they sleep?

'Fraid not, Dan. A quick call to our own Deep Cicada, Maryland Department of Agriculture Entomologist Gaye Williams, confirmed the horror of it all.

"Now that they're at their peak, you can expect not continuous chorusing, but a background whirr all night," Williams reports cheerfully. "WIth only a few weeks left, they don't have time to sleep."

And apparently, Gaye, neither do we. Where's that extra pillow? Sigh.

While we might have the makings of a good cicada noir flick here, CICADA FEAR will leave the last word to an old friend:

Whaaaaaat?

2004-05-23T00:06:00.000-04:00

You make think it's the ungodly heat.

You make think it's the humidilty.

But the scarcity of CICADA FEAR posts in the past two days is largely to due to one reason.
The cicada lovefest outside is so deafening, CICADA FEAR can't think.

It's a feeling not unlike being sucked inside our Great Aunt Vidalia's ancient, wheezy Hoover. Except there's no off switch. Until nightfall.

Addled by this combo of wacked temps and mind-numbing bug trills, CICADA FEAR wonders if other suffering Baltimoreans might be teetering on the brink of cicada rage?

Apparently, they've already gone over the edge (and the edge beyond that) in our sister bug city of Cincinnati, Ohio...

But Really, This One Is Huge!

2004-05-22T23:11:00.000-04:00

We can't do it. In these times of half-truths and questionable realities, you, dear readers, deserve better, at least from CICADA FEAR.

So, to let you know the facts up front, the photo you're about to see is not, I repeat not, a giant cicada. It is instead a sculpture of a giant cicada.

Why?

"Baltimore's largest cicada sculpture welcomes you to Arts Alive, the Herring Run Artists Network's spring show, June 1 to 27. On exhibit at The Large Art Company, 6500 Old Harford Road... the 14 foot cicada on the front lawn was constructed by Herring Run artists from natural materials that would otherwise qualify as yard waste: bamboo, vines, magnolia leaves, tree branches, and grasses."

But you should visit Baltimore's largest cicada soon, we're told. A few more Tasselmyers like those over the past few days, and this baby's mulch.

Two-Car Garage, Nice Schools--What's Not To Like?

2004-05-20T01:03:00.000-04:00

CICADA FEAR has learned that (big surprise) cicadas prefer the suburbs.

Not the deep forest (too cold).
Not the big city (too hard on their widdle heads).
But the lush suburbs, with their endless patchwork of clearcut
open spaces and token clumps of faux forest?

Just right. Mmmm...

Apparently, cicadas love the verges between woods and field, which allow them to soak up the rays before bumbling back to their tree-top action. In fact, some scientists are suggesting that suburban sprawl actually is encouraging the growth of cicada populations.

CICADA FEAR, ever the "I Heart City Life" booster, happily feels that one good infestation out there deserves another. Of course, if they expect to live in Maryland's suburbs, Brood X cicadas better learn how habla the English toot-sweet!

"Jeez! Look At The Size of That Thing!"

2004-05-18T21:47:00.000-04:00

Hats off (if you dare!) to David Giordano of the Woodbrook neighborhood of Baltimore. This 3 1/2 year-old budding bug guy managed to bag this monster on his way home from nursery school. His parents are reported nervous.

Attaboy, David!

Da Buzz --Your Cicada Action Update

2004-05-18T17:17:00.000-04:00

Inquiring bugs want to know...

Here at the CICADA FEAR Whiz-Bang Action Update Newsdesk (staffed by a team of experienced reporters who really understand Baltimore's insect dread and how it will affect you), we do our gol' darnedest to bring you breaking cicada news faster than local gas stations can punch up their prices.

In today's Cicada Action Update, CICADA FEAR reveals the true identity of Deep Cicada, one of our primary sources for all things Magicicada. It's Gaye Williams, wise resident entomologist at the Maryland Department of Agriculture. Ms. Williams, whose job also covers the IDing of invasive insect species entering the state, has been closely following this year's Great Emergence, and offers the following insights:

>> 2004's emergence is running a few days ahead of 1987's timetable, possbily due to the warm weather we've been experiencing over the past two weeks. Ms. Williams feels that the ground-to-air stage of our current cicada cycle has hit its peak; as she puts it, "You know it's going full bore when you find nymphs walking around at midday." (CICADA FEAR is refraining from impure thoughts here.)

>> Ms. Williams also notes that starting today in Annapolis, courtship in the leafy heights has taken a turn for... oh, forget it. "The mating has started," confirms Ms. Williams.

>> And as if enough isn't going on over our heads already, Ms. Williams predicts that oviposition (egg-laying) should begin in early June. Which leads us up to the final stage of our 'cada schedule--the Big Sleep. By the Fourth of July, we can probably kiss this batch of bugs goodbye.

As if you would...

Letters, We Get Letters... (Part Deux)

2004-05-17T16:24:00.000-04:00

Amy from New Jersey writes:

"I am seriously afraid of bugs, especially large ones (crickets,
grasshoppers, praying mantis). This cicada thing is freaking me out! I
live in North Jersey and I am petrified.....will they be all over the
sidewalk? Will they fly on me? Do schools ever close because of the
cicada's? I hope so!"

Well, Amy, CICADA FEAR hates to break it to you, but most of the Garden State, including the Joyce Kilmer rest stop, is squarely in the cross-antennae of Brood X.

That said, CICADA FEAR must be blunt (in a nice way). Amy, you gotta deal. Either you look at the next six weeks as an annoyance with a certain ick factor, or as Jack Nicholson axing down your door. Which (despite our babbling to the opposite), it ain't. Yes, they will be on the sidewalks. On the bushes. In the trees. One may even bump into you. But they're harmless. Life will continue. Schools will remain open. Then they'll be gone.

It puzzles CICADA FEAR how people sometimes react to a large-scale natural event. Something unpredictable. Something wild.

Letters, We Get Letters... (Part 1)

2004-05-17T14:57:00.001-04:00

Lisa from Baltimore asks:

"Okay, the funk's been brought in, now where's da NOISE? Predictions?"

Good one, Lisa. Your question sent CICADA FEAR scurrying for a bonafide metric; namely, is there a hard and fast day count between emergence and the start of 'cada chorusing?

Sad to say, even our Departmnet of Inexact Statistics has come up with goose eggs on this one. Typically, male cicadas will start beating out their mating buzz when a critical mass of da boyz have collected into a single chorusing center (see CICADA FEAR's lurid revelations on The Sensual Cicada below). How long does that take from the time they first emerge? Because of the variability in cicada populations from neighborhood to neighborhood, it's impossible to say.

However, Lisa, a good benchmark would be 4-5 days. CICADA FEAR says so with no authority whatsoever--just simple observation. The first cicada nymphs broke ground in our neck of urban paradise (North-Central Baltimore City) last Wednesday. However, it was not until Sunday (yesterday)that the first tree-top chorusing began in earnest.

(CICADA FEAR's Washington correspondents report that the District is several days deeper into Brood X's coming out party than Baltimore. "You can't hear yourself in Arlington," said one. Good for them.)

Once the chorusing levels get cranked up back here in Charm CIty, you can expect the sound levels to be, well, piercing. Imagine the world's largest dentist drill revving at close range. In older, wooded neighborhoods, the din reportedly can reach 80 decibels during the day. That's like a mufferless hawg passing you at 90 on the highway. Maryland law limits noise in resiential neighborhoods to 65 decibels, but hey, who's counting now?

CICADA FEAR's advice, Lisa? Fly in the face of summer fashion and get yourself a cool set of these!

A One And A Two And A...

2004-05-17T01:26:00.000-04:00

Here at CICADA FEAR, our crack team of field researchers have reached a definitive conclusion, based on irrefutable fact.

The last two nights have been weird. Way weird. Jurassic Park on a tiny yet shivery scale weird.

Too much moving around all at once, in and out of our line of vision weird.

How many more freaking cicads can there be in the ground weird.

While we ponder these ponderous ponderings--and watch where we're stepping (ick)--we are roused from our snit by a shallow hacking cough and the shambling footsteps of the senior analyst from CICADA FEAR's Department of Somewhat Inexact Statistics. He thrusts a smudged paper covered with numbers and a shmear of Cheese Whiz in our direction, which we now share (the numbers part) with you.

CICADA-HUMAN LIFESPAN RATIOS

"Given that 17-year cicadas spend 17 years underground and just four to six weeks above ground, the following parallels to the human lifepan can be projected:

In order to enjoy a 72-year lifespan above ground, a human being would have first to spend 10,000 years underground.

Or, if limited to only 72 years of life, a human being would first spend 71.5 years below ground, and the last six months of life above ground."

Hmmm.

We feel oddly depressed. Weird.

***TOMORROW***: More CF Mailbag. Deep Cicada does exist. And training your cicada to a leash. Sheesh.

The Birds & The Bugs

2004-05-16T00:51:00.000-04:00

It finally happened. Like Rupert bellowing his barbaric yawp on national TV, the subject of cicada sex has reared its weird head on CICADA FEAR.

Dan from Baltimore writes:

“I don't like to pry, but are cicadas wedded to one partner for six weeks or is it some kind of Roman orgy?”

Hoo-boy. Well, Dan, to answer your question definitively, yes and no. It seems that even in the world of cicada hanky-panky, there's an upside, a downside, and in the end, everyone dies. Just like a Sergio Leone movie.

So brace yourself and keep your hands on the desk, while CICADA FEAR’s Sex Ed Department rolls this informative film strip. Ding.

We pick up our story literally in mid-flight, as our male and female cicadas, after peeling out of their nymph shells and drying to hard-bodied buffitude, take off for the high frontier--namely the top branches of all the trees directly surrounding your house. Ding.

As their numbers grow, Magicicada males begin to glom together, Iron John-style, into drumming circles. Except in this case, the bongos in question are the male's tymbrals, dual membranes located on its sides and tummy. Ding.

The male cicada's song, while a annoying flat buzz to us clueless humans, is actually richly nuanced in frequency and tone (yeah, like him)--and even reflects changes in temperature and the time of day. Ding.

Bo-ring, CICADA FEAR. Get to the, um, point.

OK--so the males in the upper branches congregate into chorusing centers--think scary Vienna Boy's Choir--all straining to outbuzz each other. And to what end, you might ask? Yes, dear readers, the S word. Ding.

Sadly, Nature does not promote the survival of metrosexuals in the cicada world. Females, drawn by the general racket, are specifically attracted to the male with the biggest buzz. Not even good hair product counts. Ding.

Once they pair off, the two get down to business--namely that of making baby bugs. Pairs can remain conjoined for several hours until the female is sexually satisfied, at which point she roughly shakes the male off. Ouch. But at a price--the male cicada leaves behind a 'plug' that prevents the female from mating again. Really ouch. And the male? He rejoins the chorus for another round--or several, until he falls exhausted to the ground and dies. Or is eaten. Ouch. Ding.

Nasty, brutish, and short? Sure--and yet strangely familiar.

Ding.

"It's A Tasselmyer!"

2004-05-14T23:20:00.000-04:00

First, in response to a flurry of worried emails, CICADA FEAR is still on the bug beat. Sorry for the delay in our usual smorgasbord of cicada shizzle, but even the obsessed have their day jobs.

But enough about us. Tonight, dear readers, we introduce a new character, Mrs. Cicada Fear. Although not a native (raised in that puny state to the east that frequently vanishes at high tide), she has managed, after much effort and coaching, to pass as a real-as-dirt Baltimorean to all but the most discerning ear.

To her credit, and to honor our local meteorological demi-diety, she has been known to stand on her front porch on a hazy Baltimore summer afternoon and squint up into the horns of an approaching cloudburst, turn, and nodding knowingly, murmer, "It's a Tasselmyer."

Over time, all of us here at CICADA FEAR have adopted her phrase and use it liberally--at first only to describe storms of great ferocity, but now portents of explosive events of any kind.

"When your father finds out about this, you're going to find yourself in a real Tasselmyer!"

Why do I bend your ear so on this tale, dear reader? Step outside tonight. Mrs. Cicada Fear did so earlier, let out a series of small shrieks, and beat feet back indoors--and in the process, introduced a new metric here at CICADA FEAR, the Mrs. Cicada Fear Factor.

Tonight, the the Mrs. Cicada Fear Factor was, on a scale of 1 to 10, easily an 8--and with good reason. From its start three days ago, the count of nymph emergences has steadily risen each night, as they stumble out to begin their wardrobe malfunction for the Big Buzz.

As I mentioned, step outside. Look around. Deep breaths. Yes, they're everywhere.

Straight trippin', boo--it's a Tasselmyer.

***TOMORROW***: We open up the CF Mailbag. Introduce our shadowy source, Deep Cicada. And (gulp)share icky intimate details on cicada sex. (Hon, the kids!)

This Weekend, Make It Cicadas... Or Not.

2004-05-13T09:22:00.000-04:00

Now that the social season surrounding the Great Emergence is getting into full wing,
uh, swing, CICADA FEAR will occasionally report on public occasions of note:

This Saturday, May 15:
Cicada Madness Open House
Carrie Murray Nature Center
10 a.m. - 4 p.m.
410-396-0808

Cicada experts will be on hand, along with insect cuisine, cicada games, cicada displays, "Be A Cicada" photographs, exotic and native insect displays, and some vendors. The Carrie Murray Nature Center is located in Baltimore City's Gwynn Falls/Leakin Park.

* * * *

Or... you could choose downy-ayshan. It was reported today that local advertisers are preparing a new radio campaign to shill Ocean City, MD, as a "cicada-free zone." (The impact of Brood X does not extend down to our Eastern Shore or beaches.)

Fair enough.

Although you can find other stuff down there just as scary:

And those guys with their noses slathered
white with Sea & Ski--them, too.

Of course, as summer vacations (and advertising) go,
there's bad--and really bad:

Attention, Fashionistas!

2004-05-13T01:04:00.000-04:00

To look your best this spring season,
why not try on this little number?
It's gauzy, lightweight, has a perfect
drape, and goes with, gosh, anything!

Perfect for graduations, weddings, or
any other outdoor social event where large
flying bugs might commit a sudden drive-by
rhinoplasty.

Available in basic black.

And for those casual, kick-back
moments, may we suggest... ?

So, Uh, That's It?

2004-05-13T00:09:00.000-04:00

OK, admit it. 'Fess up. You expected sensory overload--widescreen, Peter Jackson-inspired swarms boiling up out of the ground. What you got Wednesday was, well, more like paint drying. Slowly. In Great Aunt Vidalia's spare bedroom.

Cicadas? Sure, they were popping up everywhere. But no manhole covers blowing fifty feet in the air. No mad stampede for the skies. No winged monkeys carrying off the neighbor's dog.

Dang.

CICADA FEAR advises patience. More are emerging tonight as we speak--quite a conga line, actually, in our little patch of urban bliss.

All too soon, peering through your icky windshield, you'll find yourself muttering, "Where did all these frickin' bugs come from?"

In the meantime, console yourself with the fact that even now, there are those who can find even a few cicadas... delightful.

Then, By Dawn's Early Light...

2004-05-12T13:17:00.000-04:00

...Baltimore awoke to realize that the Great Emergence
of 2004 had begun.

Sort of.

In a "fly into my face & you're one dead bug" kinda way.

Like finding those empty beer cans under the sofa
the morning after a Ravens game...

Hmmm. Hmmm. Hmmm. Hmmm.

Repeat slowly after me, "No bite. Only buzz."

Please inflate your wings
before departing the leaf.

Houston, we have ignition.

While Baltimore Slept...

2004-05-12T12:38:00.000-04:00

...Brood X began its midnight creep. (Can CICADA
FEAR call 'em or what, folks?) And after a two-hour
moult-fest, we think they earned their wings.

Sort of.

In an icky kinda insect way.

Tiny segmented feets,
do your thing.

Giving new meaning to the term
"Poppin' Fresh"...

The bug with the most wings wins.

All dressed up and in serious need of a towel.
And maybe some Chapstik.

"Hello, Boys, I'm Baaack!"

2004-05-12T00:43:00.000-04:00

Well, so far (12:30 AM, Wednesday morning,) it's hardly the plague of Biblical proportions as suggested by a certain movie and hyped by our local meda--then again, we know how our TV pals ballyhoo "significant snow events"...

Still, in CICADA FEAR's neck of the urban woods, quite a few nymphs are visibly off and running tonight, toddling across open ground to glom onto the nearest vertical object. Including (like the neighbor's randy pooch) my leg. Ick. All too ready to bust out of their larval Armor-Alls, I'd say.

Watching the moulting process, which takes about two hours, is, to use precise terms, danged amazing. Reminds me of the time when as a six year old, I was trapped in a Hutzler's changing booth with my Great Aunt Vidalia as she tried on girdles--only in reverse. How these large winged creatures ever squeezed inside their nymph shells is (as Great Aunt Vidalia would say) a puzzlement to me.

So here we go, Baltimore. Whip out your hair nets. Run to your cars. Or, just embrace your inner bug.

Lovely new pics of some moults posted in the morning--from our crack team of entomologists who really understand your weather, er, cicadas.

"Trying to comfort myself ..."

2004-05-11T19:24:00.000-04:00

A concerned note & a question from 'Panicking in Pinehurst' in Baltimore:

"Trying to comfort myself with the fact that there really aren't too many holes around our yard, I was told today that as many as 200 can emerge from EACH hole. Please put my latest fears to rest...although I suppose I may find out as early as tomorrow morning..."

CICADA FEAR replies:

Hang in there. To set your mind at rest, cicada exit holes really are not like primed Krakatoas ready to spew forth billions of bugs. Only one bug per burrow--they're pretty solitary creatures, at least for the first 17 years. Then the racket starts. Kind of like college students.

Of course, the number of holes in a given area may not be evident always. They can be hidden under ivy, dead leaves, or other ground debris. But not to worry--no matter how many appear, they don't hurt. They buzz. Think of bumblebees wearing Halloween masks.

Thanks for writing in to CF!

As The Sun Slowly Sets on Our Last Cicada-Free Day...

2004-05-11T18:10:00.000-04:00

Well, maybe.

But as sure as snakeheads, the ground temp has hit 64 degrees. According to the
sightings log on Cicadas.Info, the Great Emergence has already begun around D.C.

Talk about a workable exit strategy.

As Baltimoreans collectively await what the night might bring, here's a peek at
what to expect, as captured in the small outdoors of a city backyard:

Nicknamed 'Neil Cicada' by the CICADA
FEAR Resident Wit, our bugboy in this
snap recalls Nietzsche's famous line,
'Sometimes you stare into the cicada
hole and other times the cicada hole
stares into you.'

Neil achieves escape velocity--
and freedom.

"Hello, all you happy people."

Hello, Neil. Welcome to our uncertain world.
You were missed.

Your Extra-Extra Important Latest Cicada Countdown Temperature Report

2004-05-11T17:46:00.000-04:00

64 degrees (BINGO!) – 5:40 PM. Tuesday, May 11, 2004. Location: North-Central Baltimore City.

Note: In our hit-or-miss countdown to the Great Emergence, CICADA FEAR will be sending our experts into the field to take ground temperature readings four inches down in the topsoil. According to local entomologists, Brood X will emerge all at once over a single night when the ground temps reach 64 degrees. Stay with CICADA FEAR as we bring you your daily cicada countdown temperature reports. Seen one? Email us!

City Empties As Bug Boom Nears!

2004-05-11T12:48:00.000-04:00

Copyright © 2004, The Baltimore Sun

Always wanted to write a headline like that.

Fact is, according to an article in today’s Sun, some residents are actually skedaddling in advance of the Great Emergence of 2004. That’s OK--just leaves more for us. Mmmm...

As Baltimore’s terra firma trembles with their imminent arrival, some early bugs are already hitting the air. Several stunning photos of same snapped by area residents were just posted at baltimoresun.com.

CICADA FEAR would be simply delighted to post your cicada photos (no posing with tiny funny hats, OK?)-- just attach them to an email and send them here!

“One Heck Of A Lot of Bugs”

2004-05-11T11:49:00.000-04:00

(Map: John Zyla - www.cicadas.info)

In an article published yesterday on Washington’s WTOP Website, University of Maryland entomologist Dr. Mike Raupp cited estimates of one million cicadas emerging per acre in some areas.

(CICADA FEAR has seen other emergence count estimates of 100 cicada nymphs per square yard.)

Dr. Raupp: "It’s almost incomprehensible… the most dense places we’re going to see, I’ve seen estimates of, 100,000 up to 1.5 million. It is almost unfathomable what that will look like. But, it’s one heck of a lot of bugs.”

Mommy...

"A little I'm-touching-a-scary-thing! dance..."

2004-05-11T09:39:00.000-04:00

A cheerful note & a question from ‘Cicada Curious’ in Baltimore:

"Cool site you have. Early yesterday evening I picked up my first out-of-the-shell cicada. I've seen several in the shell as I've been digging weeds and preparing to plant a garden in my yard in west Baltimore (the neighborhood of Dickeyville). This cicada was easy to spot on the white frame of the house. I picked him (or her) up with my garden glove on, and did a little I'm-touching-a-scary-thing! dance. My next-door-neighbor had seen me get it and came out to observe. It was waving its legs frantically. My husband took a photo of me holding the critter, and if it weren't so hideous (as in, "Which one's the cicada?) I'd send it to you. I found another "unsheathed" one on the front door today. I'm new to Maryland and have never experienced a Brood X emergence. So far it's not living up to the hype. Everything I've read indicates they all come out at once overnight, but so far they seem to be trickling. When does the party start?"

CICADA FEAR replies:

No one is more, er, antsy about the Great Baltimore Emergence than we are here at CICADA FEAR HQ--except for perhaps the cicadas themselves!

According to our sources, there are always a few early arrivals, emerging a day or two ahead of the pack. Look at them as harbingers. Keep a flashlight by your back door--the party should start very, very soon. Thanks for reading CF!

It's Quiet. Too Quiet.

2004-05-10T22:10:00.000-04:00

With the backyard resembling a fine swiss cheese of emergence holes, your interpid CICADA FEAR correspondent set out at twilight with camera in hand to peer down a few dusky burrows. (Our snaps will be posted in the morning.)

As ground temps approach that magic 64 degrees (aka C-Hour), every hole we checked showed a nymph poised right at the surface. Primping. Petulant. Waiting impatiently for that doorbell to ringading-ding.

Based on no scientific evidence whatsoever but only our keen Hawkeye-like sensibilities, CICADA FEAR hereby predicts that the Great Baltmore Emergence of 2004 will commence within the next 48 hours.

Just a funny feeling. Then again, we could be...

Curse You, Rob Roblin!

2004-05-10T21:30:00.000-04:00

Starting today, Baltimore's Channel 11 started airing their "Insta-Cicada Alerts" (I don't make this stuff up, folks!), featuring live feeds by field reporters Rob Roblin and Domenica Davis on the the approaching horde.

All well and good hard news, but what puts CICADA FEAR's knickers in a twist is that Roblin & pals are basing their updates around daily soil temperature checks, complete with full-color statistical charts.

Meanwhile, CICADA FEAR has been providing its readers with the "Latest Cicada Temperature Countdown Report" (c)(tm)(r) since, well gosh, last Saturday.

A mere ka-winkydink that 'BAL is now doing same? We think not!

What's A Nymph Like You...?

2004-05-10T21:16:00.000-04:00

Found Skippy here staggering around our back patio yesterday at suppertime. Nothing makes you feel more out of place than showing up too early for a party.

(We gently set the little fella in the bushes...)

Your Latest Cicada Countdown Temperature Report

2004-05-10T20:48:00.000-04:00

63 degrees (Yikes!) – 6:55 PM. Monday, May 10, 2004. Location: North-Central Baltimore City.

Note: In our hit-or-miss countdown to the Great Emergence, CICADA FEAR will be sending our experts into the field to take ground temperature readings four inches down in the topsoil. According to local entomologists, Brood X will emerge all at once over a single night when the ground temps reach 64 degrees. Stay with CICADA FEAR as we bring you your daily cicada countdown temperature reports. Seen one? (We have!) Email us!

Your Latest Cicada Countdown Temperature Report

2004-05-09T16:53:00.000-04:00

60 degrees – 4:55 PM. Sunday, May 9, 2004. Location: North-Central Baltimore City.

Note: In our hit-or-miss countdown to the Great Emergence, CICADA FEAR will be sending our experts into the field to take ground temperature readings four inches down in the topsoil. According to local entomologists, Brood X will emerge all at once over a single night when the ground temps reach 64 degrees. Stay with CICADA FEAR as we bring you your daily cicada countdown temperature reports.

Seen one? Email us!

Of Course, Then There's Scrapple...

2004-05-09T01:20:00.000-04:00

Dan from Baltimore asks:

“My dog eats anything. I'm sure she'll put cicadas on the menu. Is this a bad thing?”

Well, Dan, plop the Donner Party right in front of the breakfast bar at Denny’s. Get the picture? Ol’ Rover (and Hairball the Cat, for that matter) just can’t wait to tuck in to as many of those crunchy delights as he can woof down between breaths.

In a recent USA Today article, Randall Lockwood, a vice president of the Humane Society of the United States, warned that while cicadas have that delicious protein-filled center, their outer shell (or exoskeleton) is impossible to digest. The result: constipation, vomiting, and other loveable pet tricks. But hey, pal, you try scarfing down a few steamed crabs whole and see what happens. It can’t be pretty.

Cicadas Atkins-Friendly, Proclaims Baltimore's Health Czar

2004-05-08T13:51:00.000-04:00

As reported in today's Baltimore Sun, Dr. Peter L. Beilenson, Baltimore's health commissioner, has suggested that citizens eat their way out of the coming cicada infestation. "These guys are totally safe," Dr. Beilenson was quoted as saying. "But you might want to sauté them to make them tastier." The good doctor was reported as saying that cicadas are a source of high protein and mmm... Atkins-friendly.

(Ever on the cutting edge, the Culinary Department at CICADA FEAR has already posted the Cicada-Licious Cookbook (by Jenna Jadin and the University of Maryland Cicadamaniacs) under “Mmm… Cicadas.” in our Bug Poop links.)

During his Friday news conference, Beilenson also warned that local hons with big hair may be at risk of serial cicada-snagging. Mmm… Love your hair.

Pest? Perhaps. Plague, No.

2004-05-08T12:56:00.000-04:00

Unlike the Biblical plagues of old (or the current one nailing Australia), our emerging Brood X will not shred, spindle, and mutilate every plant and tree in Baltimore. Remember, our little friends are root-suckers--their mouths are shaped like straws, not chompers. In fact, they don't eat anything at all after they hit the air; they just, well, you know.

But to answer Chihana's question, local gardeners may want to hold off planting new bushes and ornamental trees until the party's over in early July. In shaking their booty for the next go-round in 2021, female cicadas will slice open tender branches with their jagged ovipositors to deposit up to 600 eggs. Yow. Larger trees and bushes can handle this "pruning", but new ones? Fuggedaboudit.

Of course, you can rush right out and buy cheesecloth or nylon mesh to cover your new plantings--and yourself.

Your Latest Cicada Countdown Temperature Report

2004-05-08T12:23:00.000-04:00

60 degrees - 10:30 AM. Saturday, May 8, 2004
Location: North-Central Baltimore City

[Note: In our hit-or-miss countdown to the Great Emergence, CICADA FEAR will be sending our experts into the field to take ground temperature readings four inches down in the topsoil. According to local entomologists, Brood X will emerge all at once over a single night when the ground temps reach 64 degrees. Stay with CICADA FEAR as we bring you your daily cicada countdown temperature reports.]

What's The Buzz?

2004-05-06T19:27:00.000-04:00

(Courtesy, Jim Conrad)

First, an explanation. CICADA FEAR is a site dedicated to the people of Baltimore, Maryland, and their looming confrontation with the largest insect emergence on the planet—namely, the periodical Magicicada septendicim, or as they’re more, uh, popularly called, the 17-year locusts of Brood X.

Sometime around mid-May, over a single night, literally millions (maybe billions) of these patient red-eyed root-suckers will emerge from their earthly burrows around the Baltimore area, shinny up the nearest tree, shed their nymph skins, and start their six-week, non-stop party.

Dogs will love them. You’ll probably hate them. So here at CICADA FEAR, we want to open up the floor for your questions, your tall tales, your rants, your rage. We’ll also offer a round-up on the latest news and rumors regarding Brood X’s impact on Charm City, as well as our own personal grousing about buggy Baltimore.

To share your cicada stories, simply email us. We’ll be sure to post those especially colorful or gruesome tales (but please, hon, the kids).

So, strap yourself in, put in the screens, and keep your mouth shut. It’s gonna be weird, but in Baltimore, that’s always interesting.

I live in Butcher's Hill/ Safe to plant new shrubs without attack?

2004-05-05T10:07:00.000-04:00

Does anyone know if I am safe to do some garden work in my urban garden downtown? I have a single large magnolia tree in the back of my row home but the area below it is brick patio and 2 narrow plant beds with some perennials. I would just like to plant 2 new shrubs and break up some overgrown hostas. I really don't want to put me or my plants under attack from these creatures.